Its Play Time!

We recently moved into a new rental home that is big (great) and allows us to spread out (not so great - our junk is just spreading).  This is the first time Gracie has had a room that we have deemed her "play room".  I was SUPER excited about this room as she has a TON of toys.  While I try my best to keep them under control its a little tough as CJ and Gracie are not purgers.

In theory I was super excited about the Playroom so we could keep things a little more orderly and she'd have a nice place to play.  Unfortunately, my theory and dream of a nice play for her to play was just that - a theory.  We have a lot going on, are tight on time some days, are on a very tight budget and I'm generally absolutely exhausted at the end of every day - especially when we have Gracie as I try to give her everything I can when we are together.  And lets be honest, I'm either an all or nothing kind of girl who can either go all in with my vision or do nothing at all.  I was doing nothing at all since we didn't really have the budget to do much.  And my vision of course was grand as I always want the most amazing, best, and fun things for her.

Anyhow, since our budget was very small we spent some time acquiring things to organize the toys.  We finally got a decent bookcase (I'll post on that 'artful disaster' later, but lets just say I think I'm Martha Stewart, and I'm so not) and I was motivated to get the mess under control. Gracie wasn't playing with any of her toys in the room and certainly not enjoying the room as the toys were just dumped in there and it wasn't a nice play to play.

After two days of very hard work of sorting and organizing, I was able to get the room under control for very little money.  We are in a rental so options with altering the room too much are quite limited.  As mentioned above we got a free bookshelf and I was able to get two Circo Toy Organizers (including the bins) on sale.   I got fabric from Hobby Lobby on sale and with a coupon and tacked it to the wall to use as curtains as I needed to forgo a curtain rod.  I then took off two of her closet doors and am in the process of creating a reading nook in there.   We had to store some stuff on the shelf at the top of that closet so I used the left over fabric to create a curtain over the storage.

I have to say I'm really proud of myself with the final result and am even more elated that Gracie LOVES it!  Now, if I can just get the rest of our house together

The progression of becoming a Steph-Mom

Even though I love Gracie more than anything in this world, our relationship hasn't always been easy street.  When CJ and I first got together she was only 4 and was used to having her beloved and very caring Dad ALLL to herself.  And while we got along there were still challenging times.

Both Gracie and I are two very strong willed girls, and certainly have that in common.  We both like things the way we like them and although that combination can be great, it can also be challenging.  To her credit, I'm sure being a 4 year old and having your world changed and having another adult coming in to tell you what to do was not easy.

There would be times where my feelings would be hurt by of the things that she would say or do, but CJ would always remind me that she was only 5 and she is trying to find her way.  Now when I look back and reflect, he was so right.  In the moment its easy to say, what am I doing wrong? and I don't want to make her life harder, I want to make it easier. The more I thought about it I realized that life is hard these days to figure out at 35, far less at 5.  I spent a good deal of time working on my patience, and stood firm on trying to be the best steph-mom I could be...always reminding myself she is 5 and trying to figure life out herself.
 
The other night while making dinner together, CJ and I were talking about Gracie's day and he said to me "It's really amazing how far you and Gracie have come".  His comment really took me back for a minute, because now things are great.  Our relationship is very natural and is very strong.  As we talked about it I realized how right he was.  I'm proud of the hard work that both Gracie and I have put into our relationship and how it hasn't taken us much time to be great! She said to me this morning as I was getting her ready (in a rush as usual and frantically looking for socks)  "Stephanie??" and I said "yes".  silence.  I then said "yes sweetie, what is it we are in a hurry." and she looks at me and says "I really love you".  Those little words make any kind of struggle so worthwhile. 

My name is Stephanie and I'm a Pinterest Addict

Whew, ever since this little spunky, crazy, smart, fun, and sassy 5 year old has come into my life, my addiction to Pinterest has become nothing but out of control!

I think of all kinds of stuff to look up, to pin and to create to be the best Steph-Mom I can be.  Unfortunately however, 90% of my Pinterest attempts FAIL.  Like complete waste of time fail. Like those Easter bread bunnies? burned blobs. That awesome Halloween wreath? Scarier than Halloween itself.  That beautiful and "easy" blanket ladder?  Doesn't stand up. 

But what doesn't fail is every time I log on I become a crafting, homemaker extraordinaire....in my head at least.  I think to myself OMG this Pin is amazing and I could EASILY do this, and OMG these are all amazing Summer fun ideas and we are going to rock these and Gracie is going to have the best summer of her life and OMG the teachers are going to LOOOOVVE us with these thank you gifts and OMG if I decorate our house like this we will have the most gorgeous house ever and OMG our lives are going to be so much easier with these organizing ideas.

I am determined however to make my Pinterest addiction worthwhile and am going to be working on a Pinterest idea a day and will be posting it on here.  So bring it on Pinterest --- I will conquer your ideas!  You will not get the best of me!

Mother's Day as a Steph-Mom

Mother's Day gets a little tricky as a Step-parent - or at least I thought.  We did not have Gracie on Mother's Day as she was spending the weekend with her mom (as she should) so Thursday was the last day we were going to see her before the big day. 

I unfortunately was quite sick on that day (from a bad tooth) and CJ had to pick Gracie up from school.  When they came home she came running in saying "Happy Un-Mother's Day"!  She was so proud of herself for getting some really nice gifts together for me for Mother's Day.  She made me a really cute card (pictured below), brought me flowers and went with her dad to go buy me new pearl earrings.  I had a pair of pearl earrings that were pretty much  my "every day" earrings and they recently broke.  I didn't think I'd be able to get another pair for quite a while, so I was so surprised that they got me a new pair! 

Even though I'm not a biological mom, this meant more to me than words can say!  It was nice for a good laugh too - I like how she describes me in her school "interview".  The card says "Thank You for being the best Steph-Mom Ever....."

Taking the Leap

I've thought long and hard about writing about my unexpected, challenging and magnificent foray into Step-Motherhood for a while now.  But after a few family discussions, I've decided to take the big leap! I was hesitant to write about this as I am very concerned about protecting the privacy of both my fiance and soon-to-be step-daughter, so with that said, I have changed their names in this blog in order to protect their privacy. 

After CJ and I had been dating for a little bit, he announced that he would like for me to meet his daughter (whom BTW, is his EVERYTHING!) AND  when it was time for me to meet Gracie I was thrilled, honored, and scared to death.  All I knew about being a step-parent was what I basically saw in the movies and what I learned from a close family friend.  But I knew I loved CJ, and knew Gracie was meant to be in my life.  We moved in together over a year ago and even though my journey into parenthood hasn't always been easy - it has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

The biggest challenge for this control freak, is trying not to take over every. single. parenting. duty. and wanting to protect Gracie from the world.  I want to be the classroom teacher.  I want to do all the after school planning.  I want to do. it. all. and be super mom! However, always present in my mind is the very real fact that she has a biological mother whom she loves (and who loves her), and sees 50% of the time - so, I a always try very VERY hard to not replace her mother, but instead to be an addition to her life. I do my very best to respect this every day.  Believe me, its a very difficult balance to strike! We have spent our time growing together, learning each other, and giving each other happiness beyond each of our wildest dreams.  I could have never imagined this small child changing and filling my life with such joy - but she has and I will forever be grateful to CJ for bringing her into my life. 

Now, I don't mean for this post to sound like everything is sunshine and roses, because its not. Being a step-parent requires courage, bravery and a big ole helping of humility.  But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

While CJ and I aren't yet married, we are engaged and consider our marriage a technicality at this point (believe me I would love a wedding, but due to very difficult financial circumstances that you can read about on my other blog we can't have a wedding just yet).  Both CJ, Gracie and myself regard me as her step-mom and wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh and one more thing, the title of this blog is "Steph-Mom" because Gracie made this up and I think its genius and perfectly fitting for our relationship.