With the school year winding up there are so many activities to celebrate the end of Kindergarten for Gracie. While I'm so excited for her and immensely proud of everything she accomplished, I'm finding it very hard to figure out where I belong in the mix of everything.
On Friday I rushed home from a work trip in order to make it to Gracie's Portfolio day. CJ has always been supportive and said I should go to the event, but as it drew closer the more unsure I became of whether or not I should actually go. I knew Gracie's mom was going to be at the event (as she should be and totally nothing wrong with that), but then I felt like if both her mom and dad are there where do I fit in?!?! I feel silly going and almost like its not my place to be there. Its something I always struggle with when it comes to events like this. Where do I stand? Who do I talk to? What do I do when I'm there? How do I assert myself to ask the teacher every question I have without stepping on anyone's toes? Also as a child of divorce myself, I can understand the anxiety involved in having your divorced mom and dad in the same room without any additional stress. I want to save Gracie from that anxiety and surely don't want me to be the source of that anxiety.
Additionally, my confidence in Being Gracie's Step-Mom has been knocked down a few rungs because some people in her life have told her "Stephanie isn't your Step-Mom yet because she isn't married to your dad yet" (only because we can't afford a wedding). I feel like I am, but it just makes me feel a little more lost in this tough journey to becoming the best Step-Mom I can be.
So do I go? Do I not go? I decided to wait until the end of the even and only stop by. Everything was fine and I was so proud of Gracie and everything she accomplished, but still felt out of place.
Then, she had a school gathering this morning at a Spray Park with all her classmates to celebrate the end of Kindergarten. This time it was a little easier as it was just myself and CJ bringing Gracie to the event. First let me say though, how did we get to be so old?! CJ and I were the oldest Kindergarten parents there by a good few years.
I tried to talk to the other moms who were there as I wanted to exchange phone numbers so that we could arrange play dates throughout the summer. However, it was harder than I thought. I had one mom say to me "oh you're just her Step-Mom" and had Gracie come up and say to a mother who I was speaking to "she's not my Step-Mom yet". I know that Gracie is just repeating what she has heard and we have a good relationship, but it is still difficult to hear - maybe just because my confidence has been knocked down a little bit?
But then I thought, ummm don't over 50% of married couples wind up in divorce? So I mean our family really isn't an anomaly these days is it? I feel like I couldn't have been the only Step-Mom there, but I surely felt like it.
But I'm not going to let any of these people and what they have to say get to the best of me because I know that every day, no matter what, I try my very hardest to be the best I can be for Gracie. CJ and I try to show her every day what true love is, what partnership is, what happiness is and to encourage her to dream. Sure, none of us are perfect but I think trying my best and making an effort to make Gracie's life the best it can be is a good place to start, and at the end of the day I truly don't believe there is anything wrong with that and I will not fail her by letting my own insecurities get in the way.
No comments:
Post a Comment