I have quickly discovered that I'm terrible at that thing Work/Life/ Family balance. I recently took on a freelance job, which is great for our family budget, but not so great for my sanity. As many of you know I work in television and the TV industry isn't really known for great hours. I started the new job full time last week and by full time I mean, working about 110 hours in 7 days (no exaggeration, I just checked the math). To be fair, there is quite a commute involved as well and I factored that into this. When I was single this was no big deal to me and I could easily do it. Maybe that's why I was single during the majority of the height of my career. haha.
This past week we only had Gracie for two days as it was our "off" week. So seeing her was quite a challenge and somewhat heartbreaking - which is probably dramatic, but nonetheless how I feel. On Wednesday night I didn't get home until after 10:30pm and Gracie had fallen asleep. CJ told me she tried with all her might to stay up to see me when I got home :(. I crashed and went right to bed as I had to get up early again. Because she fell asleep so late, when I went to leave the house at 7am she was still sleeping. I went into her room to wake her up, give her a kiss and remind her how much I loved her and wish her a good day. However, she wasn't having any of the waking up part. When Gracie is asleep she is ASLEEP! She sleeps like a rock and didn't want to get up. This broke. my. heart. I knew I was going to have another very long day and she was leaving the next morning to go to her moms. But I had to go. I couldn't be late.
As I left I the house I started to cry. I missed my little Gracie, her fabulous morning hugs, the sound of her giggles as her and her daddy joke around in the morning and of course, her dragon breath (haha). CJ reminded me that this is only short term, its only a few weeks and I'm doing what I love. But it still hurt. So on my drive to work and once she woke up Gracie called me to say "Hi and I love you". While it was a short call it so made my day to hear her little 'wake up' voice.
She left the next morning to see her mom and luckily she was up Friday morning to say goodbye and I got my hugs. While we always miss Gracie while she is gone, I miss her more than usual because it feels like I've seen her for a hot second over the course of the week.
I know this is all temporary, but I worry about her. As I mentioned before she has been through a lot and I try so hard to give her stability. She is a strong little girl and I know I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I worry that her stability has been rocked a little and that she is disappointed that some of our summer plans aren't panning out.
But while I was driving in and missing our time together I was thinking about what this is teaching her. I hope that this is teaching her that in our family we work hard, we support each other, that girls can do whatever they aspire to do (she is always asking us things like "can a girl be a scientist") and most importantly we follow our dreams. Gracie knows how working in TV is what I love to do, so I hope she sees that no matter what we can follow our dreams and how its possible with a supportive family.
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